WELCOME UNION #1- ADAMS CITY HIGH SCHOOL ALUMNI
Commerce City, Colorado
You know you have reached the age of "senior moments" when you start repeating yourself. If you find a duplicate read it anyway. After all, you won't remember you read it the first time.
Submit your inspirational and humerous poems, jokes, and stories
Authors Unknown
Important Read
Third Grade
Class Reunions
The Reunion
Aging
Remember when?
How many-these
Do you remember
Bring memories
Friendship
Great Truths
Four stages of life
Success
Hey Dad
How many
List of folks
Andy Rooney says
Memories
the Letter "U"
Read sentences
Comments in 58
Senior sing along
In Memoriam
Let me go
Released 50/60s
Things you keep
The Gathering
10 Commandment
Reasons to attend
Truth-13 words
Too busy-friend
Signs-growing up
Written with a pen
Nobody believes
How are you?
No wonder
Soldier Christmas
About growing old
No longer cool
Ramblings
Dress for reunion
Benefits of aging
Well planned life
No nursing home
Old age
1974 vs 2004
Around the corner
Growing older
Reunion poem
Heads up
If body were a car
Senior Citizens
Outdated phrases
I'm retired
Perks over 50
Gained weight
Where to live
Elvis
Life's Lessons
History exam
No Left Turns
Dad at the mall
Important read - Thinking about attending reunion?
THE ONE YOU FEED. A Cherokee elder was teaching a group of children about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me... it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves." "One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." "The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith." "This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too." They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked. "Grandfather which one will win?" The elder simply replied... "The one you feed."
You can continue through life harboring thee old resentments about high school and never know who is truly wanting to see you and is always thinking about you or you can take the bull by the horns and go to a reunion to see if it is still like in HS. This will be only one weekend and if it is bad at least you can say you tried. I'm willing to bet the majority will enjoy the reunion and look forward to going back. You might have been shy Jane or nerdy Ned back then and if you've changed why not others. If you feed the first wolf and let the second one starve it will consume and destroy you. A friend of mine from the class of '66 fed the first wolf and he turned into a hateful spiteful person that I didn't even know. He eventually got to where he not only hated his CMs but everyone that couldn't help him in some way. Don't be like this, go to that reunion and see first hand if everyone has changed or not. Don't go with a closed mind but have an open, receptive mind. Talk to people and don't ignore Jane or Bill because they gave you a hard time in school. Instead give them a chance. Be the one to walk up to them and say, hello. Remember that one or two bad apples don't spoil the rest on the tree. When I went to my 20 year reunion I had a chip on my shoulder and only intended to talk to some old friends that lived out of state. When the senior class beauty walked up to me and hugged me, the first evening, she didn't know it but she had knocked down my defenses because I wasn't ready for that. Her comments kept the wall down and when she started calling others over and they did the same thing I couldn't get the walls back up. They continued to talk to me the entire weekend. Guys that I had problems with shook my hand and talked to me. I am now on my classes RC because I found out that almost everyone changes. I am also on the RC to defuse those that say, "It's the same ones that had things their way in HS doing it all again." Now me and others can tell them that one of their own is on the committee. In fact there are two of us from my crowd. Sure there are two or three that are still morons but I hit them where it hurts by treating them nice at the reunions. I don't give them any ammo to use on me by doing this. If any of you want to copy and use any or all of this feel free to do so I place no restrictions on anything that I post. If a post of mine can help one person, that's all it needs to do. By Joseph Kistka
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Third Grade
Hi, I'm in third grade but it's not easy, it's a jungle gym out there. It's not school I mind, it's the principal of the thing. My teacher is tough. In class we have to answer "Yes Sir" and “No Sir," and my teacher is a woman. She's cross-eyed too, can't control her pupils. In English she told us we couldn't use 2 words, one was cool and the other was lousy. I said,"Cool, tell us the lousy one first." In science, she asked, "what would happen if one of the stars in Orion's belt went out?" I told her his pants would fall down. She asked,” Why do astronauts wear space suits?" I said” To cover their space underwear." In geography she asked us to name 2 cities in Kentucky. I said "O.K., I'll name one Waldo and the other Heathcliff." And I don't like math at all, there's just too many problems. We eat in the cafeteria. For lunch yesterday we had Roast Beef, bread and butter. The roast beef was so tough it challenged me to a fight after school. The bread was so stale I took it to show and tell in history class. I'd tell you about the butter but I don't want to spread it around. They gave us animal crackers for dessert. On the outside of the box it said "Do not eat if seal is broken." Of course ... (these are third grade jokes, try to keep up) After lunch we had a test. I used to hate taking tests. The teacher told us to treat them as a game. Now I hate games. I did get a 100 the other day, 50 in math and 50 in spelling. My teacher is so forgetful she gave us the same test 3 weeks in a row. If she does that one more time I might pass it. My teacher knows all the answers; of course, she makes up all the questions. But I do better than my best friend, Mike; he made the P.T.A.'s Most Wanted list. Mike's the biggest trouble maker in school, And his parent's never thought he'd amount to anything! Mike kept telling the teacher his dog ate his homework. We didn't believe him until his dog graduated from Yale. When I get home from school, it takes me about an hour to do my homework, 2 hours if my father helps. I was having trouble in English. My Dad bought me a cheap dictionary but I couldn't find the words to thank him. My dad bought me a thesaurus, too. I thought that was very nice, pleasurable, and agreeable. I was doing geography homework and I asked him where I would find the Catskills. He said, "I don't know, your mother puts everything away!" When my father saw my report card, he said I was just like Abraham Lincoln, I went down in history. Thanks, and have a good day at school.
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CLASS REUNIONS |
THE REUNION
I had prepared for it like any intelligent woman would. I went on a starvation diet the day before, knowing that all the extra weight would just melt off in 24 hours, leaving me with my sleek, trim, high school girl body.
The last many years of careful cellulite collection would just be gone with a snap of a finger. I knew if I didn't eat a morsel on Friday, that I could probably fit into my senior formal on Saturday. Trotting up to the attic, I pulled the gown out of the garment bag, carried it lovingly downstairs, ran my hand over the fabric, and hung it on the door. I stripped naked, looked in the mirror, sighed, and thought "Well, okay, maybe if I shift it all to the back..." bodies never have pockets where you need them. Bravely, I took the gown off the hanger, unzipped the shimmering dress and stepped gingerly into it. I struggled, twisted, turned, and pulled and I got the formal all the way up to my knees... before the zipper gave out. I was disappointed. I wanted to wear that dress with those silver platform sandals again and dance the night away. Okay, one set back was not going to spoil my mood for this affair. No way! Rolling the dress into a ball and tossing it into the corner, I turned to Plan B -- The black velvet caftan.
I gathered up all the goodies that I had purchased at the drug store; the scented shower gel, the body building, and highlighting shampoo & conditioner, and the split-end killer and shine enhancer. Soon my hair would look like that girl's in the Pantene ads. Then the makeup -- the under eye "ain't no lines here" firming cream, the all-day face-lifting gravity-fighting moisturizer with wrinkle filler spackle, the all day "kiss me till my lips bleed, and see if this gloss will come off" lipstick, the bronzing face powder for that special glow... But first, the roll-on facial hair remover. I could feel the wrinkles shuddering in fear.
OK!!! time to get ready...I jumped into the steaming shower, soaped, lathered, rinsed, shaved, tweezed, buffed, scrubbed, and scoured my body to a tingling pink. I plastered my freshly scrubbed face with the anti-wrinkle, gravity fighting, "your face will look like a baby's butt" face cream. I set my hair on the hot rollers. I felt wonderful. Ready to take on the world. Or in this instance, my underwear. With the towel firmly wrapped around my glistening body, I pulled out the black lace, tummy-tucking, cellulite-pushing, ham hock-rounding girdle, and the matching "lifting those bosoms like they're filled with helium" bra. I greased my body with the scented body lotion and began the plunge. I pulled, stretched, tugged, hiked, folded, tucked, twisted, shimmied, hopped, pushed, wiggled, snapped, shook, caterpillar crawled, and kicked. Sweat poured off my forehead but I was done. And it didn't look bad. So I rested. A well deserved rest, too. The girdle was on my body. Bounce a quarter off my behind? It was tighter than a trampoline. Can you say, "Rubber baby buggy bumper butt?"
Okay, so I had to take baby steps, and walk sideways, and I couldn't move from my butt cheeks to my knees. But I was firm! Oh no...I had to go to the bathroom. And there wasn't a snap crotch. From now on, undies gotta have a snap crotch! I was ready to rip it open and re-stitch the crotch with Velcro, but the pain factor from past experiments was still fresh in my mind. I quickly side stepped to the bathroom. An hour later, I had answered nature's call and repeated the struggle into the girdle. Now I was ready for the bra. I remembered what the saleslady said to do. I could see her glossed lips mouthing, "Do not fasten the bra in the front, and twist it around. Put the bra on the way it should be worn --straps over the shoulders. Then bend over and gently place both breasts inside the cups." Easy if you have four hands. But, with confidence, I put my arms into the holsters, bent over and pulled the bra down...but the boobs weren't cooperating. I'd no sooner tuck one in a cup, and while placing the other, the first would slip out.
I needed a strategy. I bounced up and down a few times, tried to dribble them in with short bunny hops, but that didn't work. So, while bent over, I began rocking gently back and forth on my heel and toes and I set 'em to swinging. Finally, on the fourth swing, pause, and lift, I captured the gliding glands. Quickly fastening the back of the bra, I stood up for examination. Back straight, slightly arched, I turned and faced the mirror, turning front, and then sideways. I smiled. Yes, Houston, we have lift up! My breasts were high, firm and there was cleavage! I was happy until I tried to look down. I had a chin rest. And I couldn't see my feet. I still had to put on my pantyhose, and shoes. Oh... why did I buy heels with buckles?..... Then I had to pee again...... I put on my sweats, fixed a drink, ordered a pizza & skipped the reunion.
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AGING
To all who have been to class reunions!!!!! I have been guilty of looking at others my own age and thinking. . Surely I cannot look that old. I'm sure you've done the same. You may enjoy this short story . . .
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist; I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1958." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
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DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN?
A... all the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
B... it took five minutes for the TV warm up?
C... nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?
D... nobody owned a purebred dog?
E... when a quarter was a decent allowance?
F... you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
G. your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
H... all your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?
I... you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?
J... laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
K... it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
L... they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. .and they did?
m.. when a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
N... no one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
O... lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a.", and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
P... stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?
q.. And with all our progress...........don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace............and share it with the children of today?
R... When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
Who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk? As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, bowling and visits to the pool, ............ and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"? I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.
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How many of these do you remember?
a... Candy cigarettes
b... Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
c... Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
d... Coffee shops with table side jukeboxes
e... Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
f... Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
g... Party lines
h... Newsreels before the movie
i... P.F. Fliers
j... Telephone numbers with a word prefix.... (Bigelow 8-5000).
k... Peashooters
l... Howdy Doody
m. 45 RPM records
n... Green Stamps
o... Hi-Fi’s
p...Metal ice cubes trays with levers
q... Mimeograph paper
r... Beanie and Cecil
s... Roller-skate keys
t... Cork pop guns
u.. Drive-ins
v... Studebakers
w...Washtub wringers
x...The Fuller Brush Man
y... Reel-To-Reel tape recorders
z...Tinker toys
aa.. Erector Sets
ab..The Fort Apache Play Set
ac.. Lincoln Logs
ad..15 cent McDonald hamburgers
ae..5 cent packs of baseball cards......with that awful pink slab of bubble gum
af..Penny candy
ag. 35 cent a gallon gasoline
ah..Jiffy Pop popcorn
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Do you remember a time when...........
a. Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?
b.. Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?
c.. "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
d.. Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
e.. It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?
f.. The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?
g.. Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
h.. A foot of snow was a dream come true?
i.. Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?
j.. "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?
k.. Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
l.. The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
m.. War was a card game?
n.. Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
o.. Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
p.. Water balloons were the ultimate weapon? If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!! Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown-up" life. . . . . I double-dog-dare-ya!
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Does this bring back memories or what?
Stroll with me.... Close your eyes ... and go back ...before the internet ... before bombings, aids, herpes before semiautomatics and crack ... before SEGA or Super Nintendo ... way back!
I'm talking about sitting on the curb, sitting on the stoop...about hide-and-go-seek; Simon says and red-light-green-light. Lunch boxes with a thermos ...
chocolate milk, going home for lunch, penny candy from the store, hopscotch, butterscotch, skates with keys, jacks and Cracker Jacks, hula hoops and sunflower seeds, wax lips and mustaches, Mary Jane's, saddle shoes and Coke bottles with the names of cities on the bottom.
Remember when it took five minutes for the TV to warm up. When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids arrived home from school. When nobody owned a purebred dog. When a quarter was a decent allowance. When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny. When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces. When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done everyday and wore high heels.
Remember running through the sprinkler, circle pins, bobby pins, Mickey Mouse Club, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Kookla, Fran and Ollie, Spin and Marty...Dick Clark's American Bandstand ... all in black and white and your Mom made you turn it off when a storm came. When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere. Climbing trees, making forts, backyard shows, lemonade stands, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, staring at clouds, jumping on the bed, pillow fights, ribbon candy, angel hair on the Christmas tree, Jackie Gleason, white gloves, walking to the movie theater, running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt...remember that?
Not stepping on a crack or you'd break your mother's back ... paper-chains at Christmas, silhouettes of Lincoln and Washington, the smells of school, of paste and Evening in Paris. What about the girl who dotted her i's with hearts?
(That was before that stupid smiley face)! The Stroll, popcorn balls and sock hops? Remember when there were just two types of sneakers for girls and boys - Keds and PF Flyers, and the only time you wore them at school was for gym. And the girls had those ugly gym uniforms. When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking -- all for free -- every time! And, you didn't pay for air either, and you got trading stamps to boot!
When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents. When the worst thing you could do at school was flunk a test or chew gum. And the prom was in the gym or the lunchroom and you danced to a real orchestra. When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed -- and did! When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was so much greater than the threat.
Remember when a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car -- used to cruise, peel out, lay rubber, scratch off or watch the submarine races? When people went steady; and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped Band-Aids, dental floss, or yarn coated with pastel-frost nail polish so it would fit their finger. When no one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the car and house doors were never locked!
Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..." And playing baseball with no adults needed to enforce the rules of the game. Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals, because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger.
And, with all our progress, don't you just wish, that just once you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace...and share it with the children of today?
So send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk... As well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and Summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, bowling, visits to the pool ... and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar from the palm of your hand.
There, didn't that feel good? Just to lean back and say: "Yeah...I remember......."
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FRIENDSHIP
~~~~~~~~~~
In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.
In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.
In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.
In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.
In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.
In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.
In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.
In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.
In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.
In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...
At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.
The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.
Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!
Pass on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and those you have met along the way... Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there.
There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them. You know who you are, pass it on to someone who you want to remind.
Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets. Most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway. Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs.
The difference between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around forever.
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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge.... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
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THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
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SUCCESS
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants
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HEY DAD
Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow." "C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?" "It was a place called 'at home," I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it." By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it: Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died. My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger. I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza; it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had. We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine." I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day. Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend: My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but Kati had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
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How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the dashboard. Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall. Real ice boxes. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom. 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles 5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive-6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt! Don't forget to pass this along!! Especially to all your really OLD friends
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I have a list of folks I know
I have a list of folks I know......all written in a book, and every now and then......I go and take a look. That is when I realize these names......they are a part, not of the book they're written in......but taken from the heart. For each name stands for someone......who has crossed my path sometime, and in that meeting they have become......the reason and the rhyme. Although it sounds fantastic......for me to make this claim, I really am composed......of each remembered name. Although you're not aware......of any special link, just knowing you have shaped my life......more than you could think. So please don't think my greeting......as just a mere routine, your name was not......forgotten in between. or when I send a greeting......that is addressed to you, it is because you're on the list......of folks I'm indebted to. Whether I have known you......for many days or few, in some ways you have a part......in shaping things I do. I am but a total......of many folks I've met, you are a friend I would prefer......never to forget. Thank you for being my friend!!
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ANDY ROONEY SAYS
If you're not an "older woman" yet, this will give you encouragement!
If you are an older woman and you didn't love Andy Rooney before, this
may change your mind!
"As I grow in age, I value older women most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her.
An older single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!
Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot or stab you if they think they can get away with it.
Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness and are generous with praise, often undeserved.
An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn't care less.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.
An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.
Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed babe of 70 there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22 year old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize for all of us. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to appreciate the exquisite woman you've become, without the distraction of some demanding old man clinging and whining his way into your serenity." Andy Rooney
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Memories
Memories light the corner of my mind.
Misty water color memories
Of the way we were.
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind,
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were.
Can it be that it was all so simple then,
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again,
Tell me? Would we? Could we?
Memories may be beautiful and yet,
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget.
So it's the laughter
We will remember,
Whenever we remember
The way we were;
The way we were.
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THE LETTER "U"
Of the twenty-six letters of the alphabet,
The most intriguing one I've met
Is the crooked one that rhymes with true.
I mean, of course, the letter "U"
There's a "U" Unmeasured in Memories treasured
Of alumni and friends we once knew,
Over two decades ago - Unbelievable!
The years just took wings and flew.
There are two "U"s in Beautiful,
Describing friendships made long ago.
And there's two "U"s in dutiful,
In the attitude we tried to show.
There's a happy "U" in Reunion.
With friends we hold so dear.
There's a "U" in reunion planning,
Another "U', in returning next year.
There's a sad "U" in Eulogy;
Of dear friends gone on above,
And a hopeful "U" to see them,
In that land of perfect love.
I believe this is our 5th reunion,
If I've been keeping the right score.
Here's hoping we can stay together,
For at least a dozen more.
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Read each sentence slowly and think about it
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push.
Actions speak louder than words.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, Hard to find and lucky to have.
Some people make the world special just by being in it.
Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.
True friendship never ends. Friends are forever.
Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friend leave foot prints in your heart.
May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. "I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
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Comments made in 1958
Remember this? he following were some comments made in the year 1958: (1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.00." (2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5000 will only buy a used one. (3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous." (4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?" (5) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store." (6) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage,” (7) “Kids today are impossible. Those ducktail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls," (8) “I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying damn in "Gone With The Wind", it seems every new movie has either Hell or damn in it." (9) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas." (10) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday that they will be making more than the President." (11) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now." (12) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women have to work to make ends meet." (13) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work." (14) "Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorces at the drop of a hat." (15) "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business." (16) "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress." (17) "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on." (18) "There is no sense going to Laramie or Fort Collins anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel." (19) "No one can afford to be sick any more, $35.00 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."
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SENIOR SING ALONG
Are you lonesome tonight, does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums?
Does your memory stray, to that bright sunny day...
When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline receding, are your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her and it's prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain...do your knees predict rain?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Is your blood pressure up, your cholesterol down?
Are you eating your low-fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit, Metamucil to boot,
keeps you like a well-oiled machine.
If it's football or baseball...he sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at...but forgets what it's for.
So, your gall bladder's gone, and his gout lingers on.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
When you're hungry, he's not. When you're cold, then he's hot.
Then you start that old thermostat war.
When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right.
Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic, and witty and smart.
How'd he turn out to be such a cranky old fart?
So don't take any bets, this is as good as it gets.
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
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IN MEMORIAM
So many things have happened
since they were called away.
So many things to share with them
had they been left to stay.
And now on this Reunion Day,
memories do come our way.
Though absent they are ever near,
still missed, remembered, always dear.
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Miss Me, But Let Me Go
When I come to the end of the road
and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room,
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not too long,
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember what we once shared,
miss me but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
and each of us must go alone.
It's all part of the master plan
a step to the road home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
go to the friends we know.
Bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,
miss me but let me go.
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Re-Released Hits of 50s/60s
Some of the artists from the 50/60's are re-releasing their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us...good news, for those feeling a little older and missing those great old tunes...Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker” The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip” The Temptations - "Papa's Got A Kidney Stone” Ingo Starr - "I Get By With A Little Help From Depends” Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts" Procol` Harem - "A Whiter Shade Of Hair” Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now” Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping" ABBA - "Denture Queen” Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver” Roberta Flack - "The First Time I Ever Forgot Your Face” Commodores - "Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom” Rolling Stones - "You Can't Always Pee When You Want” Bobby Darin - "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash
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SOME THINGS YOU KEEP
Some things you keep. Like good teeth. Warm coats. Bald husbands. They're good for you, reliable and practical and so sublime that to throw them away would make the garbage man a thief.
So you hang on, because something old is sometimes better than something new, and what you know is often better than a stranger. These are my thoughts; they make me sound old, old and tame, and dull at a time when everybody else is risky and racy and flashing all that's new and improved in their lives. New careers, new thighs, new lips, new cars. The world is dizzy with trade-ins. I could keep track, but I don't think I want to.
I grew up in the fifties with practical parents -- a mother, God bless her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it -- and still does. A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones. They weren't poor, my parents, they were just satisfied.
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers and tee shirt and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one's hand, dish towel in the other's.
It was a time for fixing things -- a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things you keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant there'd always be more.
But then my father died, and on that clear autumn night, in the chill of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any 'more.' Sometimes what you care about most gets all used up and goes away, never to return.
So, while you have it, it's best to love it and care for it and fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick.
That's true for marriage and old cars and children with bad report cards and dogs with bad hips and aging parents. You keep them because they're worth it, because you're worth it.
Some things you keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate you grew up with, there's just some things that make life Important....people you know are special....and you KEEP them close!
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The Gathering
To the four corners of the world we are spread,
We are diverse in our race, creed, and color,
But we come together, a single thought in our head,
To praise the place that made our lives fuller.
To some, it was "Just a School on a Hill",
But to most, it was our driving force.
Out here, on the playing fields of life,
We'll sing its praises, till our voices are hoarse!
A chance once more, to sit with our peers,
To reminisce about times now long past,
Revive old friendships, and make some new,
And remember when our die was cast.
These days, when life's pace is so fast,
It's good to talk with like-minded others,
This reunion has given us just that chance,
This meeting - this gathering of brothers.
by TONY DAVIES
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The Ten Reunion Commandments
Thou shalt not forget thine ordinary manners nor thy common civility, just because thou art among wild and crazy friends from childhood. After all, thou may wish to return another time.
Thou shalt not approach an old classmate with comments such as, "Thou have put on a few pounds", "So who is thine plastic surgeon?" or "Wow, Thou sure did bald early!"
Thou shalt flatter thy classmates - falsely or not. All classmates look younger, thinner, and better than in their school days.
Thou shalt tolerate the tiresome classmate and his/her tales of adventure, success and wealth (at least for a little while).
Thou shalt not play footsie with an old girlfriend/boyfriend unless thou and the other person are both free.
Thou shalt not bring into conversation any most embarrassing moments stories about thine classmates unless thou have arranged for psychological support.
Parents shalt not use intimate details of their kids' lives as conversational fodder. Boast of children's accomplishments are acceptable.
Thou shall not snipe or carp. Sniping and carping about a reunion's lack of organization is forbidden.
Thou shalt orchestrate spontaneous and frequent praise unto the reunion
organizers.
Thou shalt enjoy the company of thine classmates and enjoy thine reunion.
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Top 10 Reasons to Attend the Reunion
1. You’ll laugh, cry and reminisce with some of your oldest friends.
2. You don’t have to lie about your age.
3. Feel better realizing you are not the only one who has been married, divorced, married, divorced and/or is still looking.
4. Begin new relationships
5. Rekindle old relationships.
6. Expand your networking opportunities.
7. Enjoy an evening out without the kids.
8. Use this chance to diet and shape up.
9. Humor the committee; we are a deluded bunch of die hards that think everyone should show up to appreciate all our efforts.
10. Studies have shown that those who were initially hesitant about attending their reunions discover it was an event they wouldn’t have missed!
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"The Truth in 13 Words"
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened.
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Times sure are different now
You lived as a child in the 50's and 60s. Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have.................
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat. Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention hitchhiking to town as a young kid!)
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable. We played dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt. We got cut and broke bones and broke teeth and there were no law suits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents? We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda but we were never overweight.... .....we were always outside playing. We shared one grape soda with four friends, from one bottle and no one died from this?
We did not have Play stations, Nintendo 64, X Boxes, video games at all, 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cellular phones, Personal Computers, Internet chat rooms, ............... we had friends. We went outside and found them. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rung the bell or just walked in and talked to them. Imagine such a thing. Without asking a parent! By ourselves! Out there in the cold cruel world! Without a guardian. How did we do it?
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment..... Some students weren't as smart as others so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.....Horrors. Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. No one to hide behind. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law, imagine that!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 45 years since our graduation have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them. Congratulations!
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Too Busy for a friend
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose.
The students were happy with themselves and one another.
That group of students moved on. Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student.
She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot." After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around.
Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times,” Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists." That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried.
She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again. The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late... MAY YOUR DAY BE BLESSED AND AS SPECIAL AS YOU ARE.
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Twenty-five Signs You've Grown up
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